Searching for Meaning
I share a part of my journey through life with you in the hope that, if you relate to any of it, it helps you to attain new insight around your journey.
The culmination of my journey to date has been the creation of a dream……Satori Healing. Satori means understanding. The name has particular meaning for me because finding that understanding has been a journey of not understanding, of searching and not always finding and of feeling like I was ‘in-between’ worlds.
The name Satori Healing was conceived of by a very dear friend who I have, at times, taken for granted. I have only recently started to understand the value that this friendship and many others have in my life. Looking back, I realise that most of my relationships have been turbulent. Why is this? Well, because my relationship with myself was turbulent. I shut down parts of myself and my experiences because I judged those parts of myself. Because of that judgement I shut other people out. Another block to accepting help and friendship from others has been the question of what they would want in return and whether I would be able to, or even want to, offer it. At times, connection with others has felt like a dangerous minefield, something to avoid. Despite this, I have tried to find connection and meaning in various ways over the years; through partying, charity work, religion, as well as a short stay abroad. While they did not necessarily provide the answers I was looking for, these experiences taught me valuable lessons for which I will always be grateful.
I have always thought that the saying “the answers are within” was a cliché. However, I have come to realise that it is true. The more I have healed my past wounds and learned to accept myself, the more I have understood that what people want and why they want it is about them, not me, and that relationships are important. Life is meant to be explored with people and we are meant to find love and friendship.
Life can be challenging at times, but it always offers something of value, with the opportunity to make different choices and experience new things. I look forward to the next part of my journey, living “in the world” and not “between it”.
Sending you much love.
Some of the issues I have grappled with in my journey so far:
Why do we often stay in the same situations, even if they’re uncomfortable?
Change can be difficult and making healthy choices and changes require us to have a good understanding of who we are and what we want. Often, we don’t even know what we’re thinking or why we’re taking certain actions. Many of our actions are guided by our belief systems, whether conscious or subconscious. Beliefs and patterns formed in childhood and entrenched by society and life experience shape the way we interact with the world and the people around us.
Honest self-examination takes courage, especially when looking at the ‘darker’ aspects of ourselves. Society has taught women to be “good and nurturing” and men to be “strong and to provide for their families”. Deviation from this has led to criticism or judgement and we’re left feeling less than or not good enough. It can seem as if other people have perfect lives and that they have it all together. Social media has perpetuated this belief. People mostly post happy, ‘perfect’ pictures and success stories and they don’t show what is going on inside. We don’t want to appear weak or different, so we go with the status quo to fit in and not ‘rock the boat’.
What is success?
True success comes from true acceptance and embracing all the abundance available to us. Focusing just on one aspect leads to dissatisfaction. For example, having money and fame may seem glamorous and exciting from the outside, but we just need to look at actors such as Robin Williams to understand that appearances can be deceptive and how someone with an abundance of followers and fame can still feel lonely and isolated. Someone may have millions in the bank, but still feel worried about his or her future security. CEOs of companies may lead what seems to be successful lives and they may be extremely respected in their field. However, this could lead to a situation where work and climbing the corporate ladder are the only things that matter. Often relationships are sacrificed or put on hold while striving for power in the workplace and in society. Having said this, we cannot live without money. Realising our value and accepting love, abundance and recognition, in my mind, lead to true success.
What is authentic power?
Many people often believe that force, control and power are the same thing. This could not be further from the truth. True power comes from a good sense of self; a true understanding and acceptance of who we are, which in turn leads to an acceptance of others and situations in our lives. Acceptance of something does not mean that we are passive or victims. It means that we are able to accept something for what it is and either make peace with it or change it. Acceptance of situations and people also allows us to forgive more easily. Forgiveness is a concept that is sometimes misunderstood. We tend to believe that forgiveness equates the sanctioning of someone else’s actions. This is not true; I believe that forgiveness is freeing ourselves from the negative effects of trauma. Often, we are held prisoner by someone else’s actions long after they have moved on. Forgiveness involves acknowledging what happened and healing the effects of the trauma, whether the other person involved acknowledges what happened or not.